As you have read, I suffer from bipolar type 2. I was under the impression that I had it under control, but more and more lately I don’t believe that to be true.
I take no less that 3 pills daily to keep me level. I should take 7, but for what ever reason, I can’t remember to take them. The 3 I do take are the minimum pills I can take and still be a productive part of society. One of the 3 is the pill for treating the bipolar itself. It is a strong drug with horrible side effects if I take it wrong. It is heavily monitored by my psychiatrist. The other 2 are technically one medication, but I take 2 pills. This is the one I should really take 6 of a day. They are a mood stabilizer. I hate that. I hate that I require 6 pills to keep my mood stable per day. So I take 2 and call it good.
I have another prescription, but it is an emergency anxiety medication. This one I actually like. It works fast. It takes the pain away. I could easily become addicted to this medication, but I am strong enough to keep it in check. The funny thing about this pill….I could take the bottle and end it all. Why would a doctor give that to a person who wanted to die when they started seeing him? I suppose the risk was worth it. This medication was actually prescribed for me to take 2 per day to just keep me numb, and it was needed. But now I take them for when the shaking starts and the pain comes.
I have worked at my job for just shy of a year now. To be exact, October 1st is my 1 year anniversary (which is crazy and a whole different blog). In the year I have worked there, I have taken my anxiety medication while on the clock 2 times. Both were this week. It all revolves around covid, the first day “back” to school and my lack of a teaching degree….but I won’t get into all that this time. The unbearable amount of stress sent me over the edge and just royally messed my entire week up. I feel like I am losing control again and it is weighing on me big time.
When my bipolar is getting out of control, I stop and reconfigure my life. I am not going to let this school bull poo let me lose my grip. I am dealing with it in the best way I can, and making lots of notes for myself and the kids so that we don’t get left behind. I cannot fail them or myself. Of course, working all week, and doing school the parts of the day I am not working means the house work didn’t really get done. I have about 7 loads of laundry on my love seat and 4 more on the floor of my laundry room. So tomorrow, my one day off, will be spent getting ready for the following week. The good news? WE GET TO GO ON A REAL VACATION IN 4 SLEEPS!!!! And got dang does my broken brain need it.
Super Cori 